


how (not) to buy a football team

by mageofmoonlight



Category: Danny Phantom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Football, Gen, Humor, vlad and danny reluctant bonding gives me LIFE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:54:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22338859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mageofmoonlight/pseuds/mageofmoonlight
Summary: Vlad raised an eyebrow. “You would help me buy the Packers? How?”Danny shrugged. “I don’t know. I’d figure it out, if it made you stop being such a creepy frootloop.”“Danny, I don’t think this is very wise,” Jazz said. Which was fair. But “wise” had never been a word anyone used to describe Danny.Vlad surveyed Danny. “You have yourself a deal, little badger.”
Relationships: Danny Fenton & Vlad Masters
Comments: 6
Kudos: 153





	how (not) to buy a football team

**Author's Note:**

> i just got the idea of danny trying to help vlad buy the packers and here we are
> 
> i kind of love it tbh

“So what is this thing exactly?” Danny asked, staring into the mirror. “The Mirror of Erised?”

“Basically,” Jazz said. Her nose was buried deep into a book on ghost history that Clockwork had given her. “Seems that way, at least. What do you see?”

Danny watched the reflection in the mirror for a moment. “I see us,” he said softly. “You, me, Sam, Tucker, Mom and Dad, Dani, and Clockwork, and even Cujo, and Valerie. And I’m Phantom, and no one cares. And we’re all happy, together.”

Jazz stood up and pulled him into a one-armed hug. “That’s a good dream,” she said. “And the best part is that it can happen, eventually. Someday it won’t just be a dream.”

Danny smiled at her. “Thanks, Jazz. What do you see?”

“Let me have the mirror, little badger,” a voice interrupted. Danny tensed, immediately getting ready to shoot off an ectoblast at a moment’s notice. Vlad Plasmius floated into the room, because of course he did. “It is a powerful ghostly object. I want it.”

“Would you say it’s your heart’s desire?” Danny goaded.

“Go away, Vlad,” Jazz hissed.

“Hmph.” Plasmius floated closer. “No, my heart’s desire is-”

“Taking my mom as your bride, killing my dad, and making me into your creepy son-slash-protege?” Danny asked sarcastically, still ready to fire an ectoblast. 

“Where do I fit into that picture?” Jazz wondered aloud.

“My heart’s desire is… owning the Green Bay Packers?”

“Wait, really?” Danny lowered his arm in surprise. “Your heart’s desire is to own a  _ football team _ ?”

“They won’t sell it to me,” Vlad moaned. “I’ve been trying for years, and they won’t sell it to me.”

“Why didn’t you just overshadow them and make them sell the team to you?” Danny asked. “I mean, that’s how you got your money, isn’t it? Do you just have some weird screwed up politician morals that allow you to take away people’s willpower and force them to give you money but not football teams?”

“I tried,” Vlad wailed. “It didn’t work.”

Danny glanced at the mirror, and then back at Vlad. “So… you’d prefer having the Packers over taking my mom as your bride, killing my dad, and making me your creepy son-slash-protege?”

Vlad considered it. “Apparently.”

Danny nodded thoughtfully. He had an idea. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea, but since when were his ideas ever good? “So if I helped you buy the Packers, would that mean you’d stop being obsessive about my family?”

Vlad raised an eyebrow. “You would help me buy the Packers? How?”

Danny shrugged. “I don’t know. I’d figure it out, if it made you stop being such a creepy frootloop.”

“Danny, I don’t think this is very wise,” Jazz said. Which was fair. But “wise” had never been a word anyone used to describe Danny.

Vlad surveyed Danny. “You have yourself a deal, little badger.”

* * *

Four days later, Vlad had managed to secure himself and Danny a meeting to discuss the possible buying of the Packers. Danny had never done anything like this before, but hey. If it got Vlad off his back.

“Remember, Daniel,” Vlad said. “You are my son. And you desperately love the Packers.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Danny grumbled. He just had to keep reminding himself that this was worth it.

The man they were meeting with shook Vlad’s hand as they came in, and then Danny’s. The name on his desk read “Alastor Brown.”

“This is my son,” Vlad introduced.

“Vlad Jr.,” said Danny.

“That’s… unfortunate,” said the businessman.

“He goes by his middle name,” said Vlad. “Daniel.”

“But I prefer Danny,” Danny said with a smile.

They all sat down. Danny did his best not to fidget.

“I know what this is about, Mr. Masters,” said Brown. “And the answer is still no. You cannot buy the Green Bay Packers.”

Vlad kicked Danny under the table. Danny blinked, and then gave Brown the saddest look he could possibly manage.

“Please, sir,” he said. “I love the Packers more than anything. My... dad said that he would buy the team for me because it’s so important to me.”

“And I’d hate to see him let down,” said Vlad. “He’s only fifteen. Doesn’t he deserve a football team of his own?”

“That… is absolutely not how it works,” said Brown. “You want to give your son a football team?”

“Well, no,” said Danny quickly. “Dad would own it.”

“I’m sorry,” Brown said. “But it’s just not possible, Mr. Masters. It’s no more possible than it was the last time you asked. It’s not possible for anyone to buy the Packers.”

“How much money would it take?” Vlad asked. “One billion? Three billion?”

Brown shook his head slowly.

“Five billion? I’ll offer you ten billion dollars for the Green Bay Packers.”

Danny gaped.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Masters,” Brown said again. “It’s just not possible. Will that be all?”

Vlad’s eyes flashed for a moment, and then Plasmius came through the wall and dived into Brown’s body to overshadow him. Danny wasn’t entirely sure which Vlad was the real one and which was the duplicate.

“I don’t know what I was thinking, Mr. Masters,” said Brown. “I’m sorry. Of course you can buy the Packers. You could buy the whole NFL, if you wanted.”

“No, no, that’s okay,” said Vlad. “I only want the Packers.”

“Right away, sir.”

Plasmius disappeared, and Brown sat there for a moment, dazed.

“What was I just saying?” he asked.

“You were saying we could have the Packers,” said Danny.

Brown shook his head, still not looking entirely there. “Oh, of course. What I meant to say was that I wish I could help you, Mr. Masters. But it’s literally impossible.”

Vlad stood up. “I’m afraid that will be all, Brown. I swear, someday, the Packers will be mine!”

“Suuure,” said Brown dryly.

Danny stood up, too. He paused in the doorway as Vlad exited the room. “For the record,” said Danny, “I’m not actually his son. And I don’t even like the Packers! So ha.”

Brown looked very tired.

“Daniel,” Vlad sighed. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

Danny sighed too. “I’m coming, you frootloop.”

They walked out of the building in silence.

“Thank you for trying to help, Daniel,” said Vlad. “But I’m afraid we failed yet again. There is nothing you can do to help.”

“Hold on,” Danny said. He pulled out his phone. “Let me Google this. I’ll see if the internet has any suggestions for buying the Packers.”

Vlad waited patiently as Danny scrolled.

“Oh,” said Danny. “They’re a publicly owned nonprofit. There are millions of shares owned by hundreds of thousands of fans. You could figure out every person who owns part of the Packers and overshadow them to make them sell you their shares. But that would be immoral.”

“Pah,” said Vlad.

“And also impossible,” Danny added.

Vlad sighed dramatically. “Well, that’s that. Come, little badger. I need to get you home.”

“Hold on,” Danny said. “I have one more idea.”

Vlad raised an eyebrow. “ _ You _ have an idea.”

“I have ideas sometimes!” Danny defended. “I even have good ideas sometimes.”

“We’ll see,” said Vlad. “What’s your idea?”

Danny smiled. “We’re going to need to go into the ghost zone.”

* * *

“Well,” Vlad said, “I have to admit that this idea is… actually not terrible.”

Danny smirked. “See? I told you.”

“Very wise of you, little badger.”

Danny couldn’t help but smile. The compliment was nice, even if it came from  _ Vlad _ .

“So what is it we have to do?” Vlad asked.

“Well, you just have to make a wish,” Danny said. “Desiree should be around here somewhere. Desiree!”

The ghost appeared. “Well, well,” she said. “If it isn’t the ghost child. What are you doing here? What reason would  _ you _ have to seek me out? And with Vlad Plasmius?” She laughed.

“Vlad has a wish, duh,” Danny said. “Both of you, no funny business. Vlad, you’d better not make any other wishes. Do not break the truce.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, little badger,” said Vlad. Danny scrunched his nose at him.

“This should be interesting,” said Desiree. “What’s the wish?”

“I wish to own the Green Bay Packers!”

Desiree smirked. And then she paused. “What did you say?”

Vlad sighed irritably. “I wish to own the Green Bay Packers.”

“Oh.” Desiree frowned. “That’s what I thought you said.”

“What’s wrong?” Danny asked.

“Well, that’s impossible,” Desiree said. “No one can own the Green Bay Packers.”

Danny stared. “You’re a wish-granting ghost. You’ve turned people into monsters, stripped me of my powers, and taken away my memory! And you can’t make Vlad the owner of a football team? That should be so much easier!”

Desiree shrugged. “Seems that way, doesn’t it? But it’s very much impossible. Not even I can grant that wish.”

“ _ You’re a genie ghost! _ ”

Desiree shrugged again, and then disappeared. “Sorry kid.”

Vlad sighed. “Thank you for trying. Any other bright ideas, little badger?”

“No,” Danny admitted. “That was my last one.”

“I told you.”

Danny scowled. “Does this mean you’re still going to try to marry my mom, kill my dad, and make me your creepy son-slash-protege?”

“Well, of course.”

“Ugh.” Danny groaned.

“But… maybe not right away,” said Vlad. “I… enjoyed our time together, I will admit. Perhaps next time we see each other, we might spend some time together doing something other than fighting?”

“Depends on if you attack my family.”

“That… is fair,” Vlad allowed. “But for now… perhaps you will join me? There’s a Packers game tonight against the 49ers. The winner goes to the Superbowl. And I have tickets.”

Danny still didn’t like football. Or the Packers. Or Vlad. He was a frootloop. But he found himself nodding anyway. “Sure. That sounds nice.”

Vlad grinned. “Perfect! Come, Daniel; we don’t want to be late. I can’t wait to watch my team get to the Superbowl.”

* * *

“OH COME ON!”

**Author's Note:**

> for the record, i had this planned before last night's game. the idea of desiree not being able to grant vlad's wish was just way too funny to me. then the packers lost and i knew how i had to end it.
> 
> (if anyone is reading this sometime in the future and is confused by the ending, last night, the packers lost the championship to the 49ers)
> 
> thanks for reading! please comment if you enjoyed (or even if you didn't)! kudos and bookmarks are always appreciated too. :3


End file.
